Merry Christmas everyone! To celebrate, we’ve got a special festive blog as Kris Kringle leads FC Santa Claus, fresh from winning the European Conference League, into the Champions League group stage as bookies’ favourites to win the competition.
Kringle used the January transfer window to bring in one of Papa Elf’s desired big-name signings, snapping up legendary winger Neymar from Wolves for £7.5m.
FC Santa Claus In The Champions League
Qualification for the group stage marked a massive step up in quality for the wonderkid reindeer, taking on the likes of Valencia, Leverkusen and Dortmund.
The step up to the next level didn’t seem to chance much as Santa’s Elves came out flying with 10 shots in the first 12 minutes. Only for Valencia to obviously score their first shot. They eventually got level as Prancer Reindeer crossed for Rudolph Red-Nosed Reindeer to tap home and the lethal striker finally put them in front with a delicious curled effort from 20 yards. He wrapped up his hat trick to move to 70 goals for the season as Comet Reindeer’s header rebounded to him two yards out and created a late fourth for midfielder Vixen Reindeer, crowning a deserved 3-1 victory after 33 shots and just the 6.04 xG.
They’d already obliterated the record for most goals in a CL season of 35 set by Porto, moving on to 83. But they showed no sign of abating as they returned to Spain to thrash Athletic 6-2 led by a Comet hat trick. Their first Champions League game at Santa’s Grotto saw a competition attendance record of 172,228 for the visit of a Dortmund team containing Bellingham, Musiala and Vlahovic. But they were no match for the world’s new superstars, who took an early lead as Comet finished coolly, totally dominated and raced into a 3-0 lead before Dortmund scored their first shot and got a late consolation.
The goals continued to flow as they edged a 3-2 win at English champions Aston Villa – who have an attack of Salah, Foden and Haaland – hammered Brentford 4-0 led by a Rudolph brace and a Lamine Yamal assist hat trick. They wrapped up qualification by keeping former striker Lautaro quiet in a 3-0 win over Palace then won a crazy 7-4 clash at Leverkusen. They finished the group stage with Neymar creating the opener on his debut in a 5-1 hammering of Fiorentina, which saw them break Bayern’s record of 15 consecutive wins. They topped the group with a perfect record and 36 goals scored.
Champions League Knockouts
FC Santa Claus got a ‘nice’ draw as they took on French side Nice in the last 16. The most interesting ties saw Athletic face Dortmund, Villa face Everton and Marseille take on Lazio.
Santa’s Elves took control of the tie in their trip to France but, for one of the first times ever, they were outshot by 18 to 14 by Nice yet still won 3-2. They made up for it back at the Grotto, racking up 23 shots enroute to a comfortable 5-0 win.
Another French side followed as Santa’s Elves took on Marseille, who have the likes of Saka, Son, Luis Diaz and Rodri and are managed by Gennaro Gattuso, in the quarter final. They welcomed them to the Grotto first and completely bossed the game but didn’t make a breakthrough until the 53rd minute. But Prancer, Buddy The Elf, Yamal and Cupid Reindeer sealed a 4-0 victory. Kringle totally rotated for the trip to France and they drew 4-4 with Neymar scoring his first 2 goals for the club.
Another French side followed in the semis as they were drawn against Monaco. The Elves got a flyer in France as Comet tapped home from 6 yards inside 7 minutes. Monaco got a flukey equaliser but Prancer swiftly restored the lead and Father Christmas missed a late penalty that epitomised their wasteful performance. But they still won 3-1 thanks to Comet’s late header.
More of the same followed back at the Grotto with Rudolph and Comet missing a hatful of chances as their side missed 14 chances in the first half. Kringle laid into the team and Cupid put them ahead 4 minutes after the break only for Monaco to obviously score their first shot (this game is so bugged). But the midfield of Vixen and Joao Veloso ensured another 3-1 win to send their side into the Final!
Can FC Santa Claus Conquer Europe?
It seemed the whole of Finland had descended on Amsterdam as fans clad in reindeer outfits and Santa Claus beards took over the city ahead of the 2027 Champions League Final. FC Santa Claus’ historic first appearance saw them take on holders Dortmund, who’d won it in 2025 and 2026, at Ajax Arena. The only injury concern was Yamal so Kringle lined up:
Christmas; Elf, Blitzen, Donner, Dasher; Prancer, Cupid, Vixen, Dancer; Rudolph, Comet
Subs: Endrick, Baburin, Orozco, Veloso, Neymar, Onyegbule, Barco, Franco, Saranpaa, Moilanen-Kajander, Licina, Yamal
Santa’s Elves started the game brightly, having 7 shots in the first 15 minutes then strangely faded away and didn’t have another shot for an hour. But they made that shot count as Dancer Reindeer lived up to his name, diving between tackles then staying calm in front of goal to tuck the ball into the bottom corner. And that proved enough to win a very poor game of football.
FC Santa Claus were Champions of Europe!!
Rudolph, who had a terrible game in the Final, smashed Cristiano Ronaldo’s Champions League goalscoring record of 17 as he bagged 31 in 22 and set a new average rating record of 8.38. While their Final hero Dancer also smashed the assists record with 20.
The rise of FC Santa Claus as a global force was confirmed as their youth setup was named as the best in world football. While Comet won Best FIFA Men’s Player and World Player of the Year with Rudolph 2nd and Vixen 3rd.
So there you have it, a Christmas miracle as Father Christmas and his team of superstar reindeer romped to Champions League glory! I thought about holidaying into the future to see just how much these youngsters progress, but the lack of transfer value and vast amount of interest in the players from elsewhere means it probably wasn’t worth the effort.
But I hope you enjoyed this silly / fun little festive experiment and, again, Merry Christmas!
Football Manager Addict 
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