The Journeyman | Three Lions: Part 2 – World Cup qualifying goalfest!

As a newly club-free manager, following my sacking by Cagliari, I had international honours to fall back on as we England began the qualification process for the 2034 World Cup.

We had been drawn in a group alongside Switzerland, Slovakia, Israel and Azerbaijan, which gave us a pretty decent chance of qualifying for next year’s tournament in South Korea.

World Cup qualifiers round 1

The group began in style with an absolute annihilation of Azerbaijan. Philip Cohen bagged a 5-minute hat-trick inside the first 10 minutes as we raced into a 7-0 half-time lead. Then we added 9 more in a ridiculous second half! Cohen ended up with a double hat-trick, while his strike partner George Clarke and substitute Mason Greenwood also scored hat-tricks. That saw us break the all-time record England win of 13-0 over Ireland that had stood since 1882, record goals in a match, and record winning streak in World Cup qualifiers of 18.

We backed that up with a dominant 4-0 thumping of Israel led by goals from both centre-backs Will Reddie and Stuart Josey-Hopkins. Supersub Greenwood curled in a free-kick then Cohen added a late fourth to mark his 50th goal for England.

World Cup qualifiers round 2

The second round of fixtures began with the touhest game of the group, away to Switzerland. We struggled for a while but the game turned on debutant Martyn Talbot – who I’ve just signed in my new role at Dortmund – coming off the bench to score and create a second for Cohen.

That earned Talbot a first start and he delivered big-time by scoring a hat-track and laying on two assists in a 6-0 thumping of Slovakia. He now has 4 goals and 3 assists in 2 caps for England!

World Cup qualifiers round 3

The penultimate round of qualifiers began with another thumping of Azerbaijan, this time only 10-0 at home. Clarke bagged 5, while Foden scored on the day of becoming the all-time most-capped Englishman with his 151st cap – previously held by Marcus Rashford.

And we moved a step closer to qualification by thumping 3rd-placed Israel 5-0 away with braces by Clarke and Lewis Pearson-Elsdon.

World Cup qualifiers round 4

We secured England’s place at the 2034 World Cup with a dominant 3-0 win over the second-best team in the group, Switzerland. Clarke got us started, Greenwood scored on the verge of half-time then Josey-Hopkins added a third after the break. That win also took England to 24 consecutive World Cup qualifying wins, which broke the UEFA record.

We finished the group off by somehow only winning 1-0 in Slovakia despite having 40 shots!

However, that ensured we topped the group with 8 wins from 8, 47 goals scored and just 2 conceded. Foden led the way with assists in the qualifiers with an impressive 14, which was a new UEFA record alongside a new England record of 15 for the year. While Cohen and Clarke were the 5th and 6th top scorers with 11 and 10 goals respectively.